THE UNEXPECTED RETURN OF ELIOT ROSEWATER, chapter 3


Chapter 3.

Before the arrival of his Chief Operating Officer, Eliot had begun planning his own birthday party.  He turned eighty-nine on this very day.  As he had every year for decades, Eliot was determined still to host a quiet celebration, with only pictures of his ex-wife and his deceased father, Senator Lister Rosewater, attending.  Let tomorrow take care of tomorrow’s troubles, he figured.  He snored like a roaring alligator.

His eyes snapped open.   He found himself, lying on his back in a car-sized, snotty puddle of Santorial mud, staring upwards at the treads of a Sherman tank, hoping against hope that he would be squashed to hell.  It was late December in 1944 and the Battle of the Bulge was taking place all around him.  The scene was so shocking, so horrifying to Eliot Rosewater that he wished it back into his non-awareness.

Gratefully, he found himself talking to his father’s ghost, instead.

“I’m so happy to see you, father.”

“Of course you are,” said the Senator’s ghost.

“It’s all gone?” asked Eliot.

“Yes, son, all of it,” answered the Senator.

“Where did it go?” asked Eliot.

“The idiots who ran the Foundation tried to make money in the fastest manner possible.  The only thing they worked harder at was destroying other companies.  They were the meanest, damnedest, cold-hearted bastards I could find. In the end, though, they simply gambled all of our money away.  The Foundation had no core, no philosophy, no world-view besides accumulating wealth.  I can’t understand what happened, myself.  I know I can’t explain it to you.”

“None of this makes sense,” said Eliot.

“No,” said his father.  “It makes no sense at all.  But, there you go.”

The two men looked at the floor between them.  Eliot kicked at some dust.  Then he looked imploringly into his empyreal father’s eyes and asked, “What will I do?”

“Do you have any plans?” the dead senator asked his only son.

“No,” answered Eliot, “but I’m sure things will work out.”

“I’m sure you do, Eliot.  I’m absolutely positive that you think things will work out.  I imagine you think everything will turn out perfect, because you just float along in your fantasy world, without a care.”  Shaking its head pityingly, the apparition dematerialized like a frozen breath on a winter morning.

Eliot slumped in his chair and dozed.  When he slept, he usually dreamed.  When he woke, he nearly always remembered his dreams.  On those days, he realized how blessed his life was.

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About rosewater12

I am in hiding.
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99 Responses to THE UNEXPECTED RETURN OF ELIOT ROSEWATER, chapter 3

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    • rosewater12 says:

      God bless you, Michelle. I hope I can keep thinking of funny things to write. Where are you writing from? I promise you, I am not a stalker: I am a 62-yr-old man that grew up as a Vonnegut fan.

    • rosewater12 says:

      Hello again.
      After I wrote to you yesterday, I worried that I said something stupid and that you wouldn’t read anymore of my story. I was just so excited to see that someone I didn’t personally know was actually reading it that I was curious about where in the world you are! Please keep reading: it’s just getting good. By the way, you are welcome to look at my Facebook homepage. I’m a harmless old retired social worker living in West Branch, MI.
      Sincerely,
      Chuck Clemens

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    • rosewater12 says:

      Gosh. I’m blushing.
      Thank you for your kind remarks.
      I have been a Vonnegut fan for nearly fifty years and felt compelled to attempt to complete his story of Eliot Rosewater. I plan to publish a new chapter each week (except for next month).
      Your pal,
      Chuck

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    • rosewater12 says:

      Bless your heart, Wally. I’ll bet you’re a Vonnegut fan!!!! I’m going to Indy to see the Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library this year. Wo-Hoo. and I hope you continue to enjoy my story. It is fun writing it.

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      God knows, Wilford, how difficult it is to research this thing. I think Homeland Security has made much of Rosewater’s story confidential. But, until those black helicopters start hovering over my bunker, I will keep sharing the truth. Poot-eet-Tweet.

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      I really appreciate your notifying me of the problem. “Chrome”: I recall trusting Google to have a good product and I used it for awhile a couple years ago. Thank G-d their Customer Service is adequate and I was able to get rid of it. Listen. I’ll get hold of Google.com and see if they can figure it out. What exactly is happening? Is the text jumbled or non-existent or what? Anyway, most of all, I appreciate hearing from you. I am a handicapped retired social worker, living in the woods, and writing this blog has given me a new family. Which reminds me, are you a Jungian? I’m re-reading Vonnegut’s autographical novel SLAPSTICK, and I see that we are all one. Thanks again for writing.

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